How am I doing??

For well over two years now,  I'll usually tell you the same thing, "We're hanging in there".  What else can you say?  I feel like if I told the truth I'd be the biggest 'Debbie Downer' at every gathering.  Sometimes I give an honest answer, and when I say the words out loud they are hard for me to hear. 

I'm not one of those people that cling to the happy thoughts at all cost in sheer determination and hopes that the bad stuff will somehow go away. 

I'm also not one of those doom-and-gloom people who looks at the worst case scenario and gives up.

 I am full of hope, I'm an optimist, I love the sunshine-and-roses side of life, AND I ask questions.  A lot of questions.  Some people wouldn't ask the questions if they didn't want to hear the answer, but not me, I ask.  Then I research.  I study anything remotely helpful about our situation.  Then, I try to find a place in between these two extremes, and get comfortable there.  It isn't easy.

The truth is I'm not OK.  I haven't been for a long time, but like I said, my heart is still beating and I have lots of joyous moments that heal me.  I have a husband who adores me, and who helps me get through his cancer experiences with him.  He still creates magic in our marriage.  He is at peace with this situation and that helps me and our children tremendously. 

Do you want to know the secret to getting through difficult trials?  Don't go it alone.  I have Mark.  I have my family.  I have about a zillion amazing friends.  I have neighbors, community, friends-of-friends, spiritual leaders, and strangers that have prayed for us, brought us meals, brought us flowers, brought us treats, mowed our lawn, shoveled our driveway, mailed us cards,gave us hugs, gave us sweet facebook messages, created memories with us, hosted and supported fundraisers for us, checked on us, gave us veggies from thier gardens, did 12 days of christmas for us, made a gorgeous picture quilt, made a blanket to take to the Huntsman, drove to Salt Lake for us, watched our kids for us, loved us, prayed for us some more, fasted for us, put our names in the temples, and in every way let us know they love and care.

This weekend I had lunch with my good friend Nancy Lucas, then enjoyed a BBQ and outdoor movie with the Oswalds, Keens, Haws.  On Saturday, we attended Trent's funeral surrounded by good friends Nancey, Stephanie and Kristin.  Then our friends the Loveridges drove up from Herriman and we spent the afternoon up Logan Canyon skipping rocks, talking and eating chinese food.  Sunday was church service with a million hugs and well wishes, then our friends the Gardners came over to visit, eat watermelon, watch Singles 2nd Ward with us, and help me re-braid Aubrielle's hair.  Today I went to lunch on the patio at Elements, with two amazing women Cindy Maughan and Sheri Ward who reminded me to take a deep breath and feel the love around me.  We are so blessed.  We are constantly reminded that relationships are what matters the most in life.  We hope to continue to make memories. 

Life is precious.  People are precious. 

How am I doing?  I'm not OK, but I'll be OK.  For now I'll focus on what is right with our life instead of what isn't.