All we need is LOVE

Unconditional love is the source of the only things that matter in this life; relationships and our spiritual path. You give and receive unconditional love and you're living the best life possible :)

 

I wrote this on my facebook after contemplating what I'm most thankful for.  I have a lot on my mind these days, but that thought summarizes it so nicely.  The gift to receive unconditional love is supreme.  The opportunity to express unconditional love is divine.  Incredible.

 

I read a book this weekend called "Proof of Heaven" it was written by a scientist, a neurosurgeon who was one of many who didn't think science and spirituality was compatible.  That was until he contracted a rare disease that left him brain dead in a coma for seven days with very little hope of survival.  His near death experience is more fact-based than any account I've read, in the attempt to convince the readers that he didn't dream this up.  He summarizes his heavenly experience by sharing this universal truth; "You are loved and cherished, dearly, forever."  What a beautiful knowledge, yet many don't know this.  I hope to spread this hope, truth, and powerful energy throughout this holiday season.

 

Others have already shared this with our family.  Throughout our cancer journey countless acts of kindness have come into our lives.  We are so thankful for the powerful love and blessings that this has given to us.  Last night a group of people we don't know came to us to sing a christmas song and give us a gift of cash.  They wished to stay anonymous.  It was an incredible moment, it doesn't get more unconditional than that.  I noticed the children in thier group, in in our family beaming with the excitment of the treasure chest gift, I realized how impressive it is to TEACH unconditional love.  I'm still teary-eyed as I think about it.

 

This weekend was very difficult for me.  I'm very fragile lately and it was more than I could handle to travel 10 hours each way to visit family.  It was so important to Mark to visit his parents, sisters and family with what is likely his last holiday season with them. Loving and connecting with them is so important. I completely agreed, and we ended up with Mark and our four oldest children making the trek without me and Amari.  I have so much to catch up on in running our home and I welcomed the time to do it.  Unfortunately at times the quiet house left my mind to focus on deep feelings. I couldn't stop the tears when I would think of the gravity of our life situation.  The fact that Mark's pain is getting worse, our options are becoming fewer, the path becoming less of our own control.  The fact that our normal family life will never be the same again. 

 

With Thanksgiving behind us we're back in the saddle already.  Mark and the kids returned home last night just in time for the mystery gifters. That was so cool to experience together!  We enjoyed the Christmas lights and decorations that I'd just set up in our home.  We organized ourself for a busy week.  This morning Mark drove back to the Huntsman to change the meds in his infusion pack.  He also went back to radiaition with Dr. Hitchcock.  I'm nervous about this, the attempt to prevent the tumor in his rib from growing and further cracking the rib presents new problems of it's own, namely preventing any healing of the rib.  Radiation messes up healthy tissue, it's not good. The pain there is noticeable now, and sneezing is a problem.  Ugh. 

 

Well, back to the thoughts about love.  Nothing else really matters.  As Mark wrapped me in his arms last night I acknowledged just how blessed I truly am.  Cancer or no cancer, I'm one of the luckiest people in the world.  I guess I just want more of it, to trust that I'll have it not just for eternity but for each and every day from now until then.  Is that too much to ask?  I don't think so, not for me, and not for any one of you! :)

 

 

Chemo Eve

Here we are at chemo eve again, you know, the night before chemo.  The best day of the cycle.  The dreading of going back to sickness.  The reminder of this horrible roller-coaster ride.  Ugh. 

Mark is doing OK this week.  His hair is growing in, so he has very soft, grey and light brown hair.  Ava loves to rub his head, she does it all the time.  Mark doesn't want her to rub it off, he's pretty proud of his little baby-chick head. 

The last round of chemo we ran into some unexpected bumps in the road.  Hopefully we have fixed the issues enough to have a smooth round this time.  We will go ahead and do the outpatient method again, where he is hooked to the chemo infusion into his port with a slow drip that will take 2 weeks to complete.  His first appointment is at 1:30pm tomorrow, of course at the Huntsman.

Life has been challenging lately, not harder than usual, just different stuff.  We're coping the best we can but there have been more tears at times, and depression is more obvious in several family members.  Thanksgiving week is creating new anxiety and stress in several ways.  There doesn't seem to be a comfortable solution to all of the factors.  We'll do our best, as usual.  I guarantee there will be disappointment for a few of us, but life isn't easy, in any of our choices anymore.  I try and hold tight to the good and comforting parts of life.  There are plenty.

Sympathies

     There is a lot of contentious energy today after the election and it is disappointing.  There is already so much hurt and heartache in the lives of so many.  Everyone already knows that my family is struggling to manage Mark's terminal cancer, and the ambiguity of our future.  However, among my good friends there are many, many trials.  Without sharing thier stories, as it isn't my place without thier permission, I will say that divorce, debt, mistrust, big medical issues, grief, lonliness, disrespect, job loss, death, home loss, lack of support, misunderstandings, and doubts are prevelant among several of my loved ones. 
     We need one another.  We need to love and serve one another in so many ways.  We need to remember all the good, joyous, beautiful things about one another to strengthen our hope in humanity. 
     If you go looking for reasons to be angry, anxious, and discouraged...you WILL find it.  I also believe if you go looking for hope, peace, and comfort....you WILL find that.  Our thoughts, actions and energy affect one another.  Let's be mindful and share sympathies, the harmony and agreement in feeling that the good is worth it.