Whatever we are afraid of, we tend to run the opposite way. When something stands out about our personality, we should ask ourselves what is motivating me to run the other way? If I'm a very passive, submissive person, I am likely afraid of aggression or abandonment. If I'm a born leader, taking charge of every situation, I'm likely afraid of losing control. In physics we learn that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Mark's Pendulum Theory can be mapped out in four stages; 1. Injury (we feel upset or hurt because something is causing a fear reaction), 2. Defense (we run or hide in the opposite trait to avoid the discomfort). 3. Burnout (we become exhausted from swinging between feeling hurt and avoiding the discomfort, we cannot keep this up because our fears are always exposed and we are not able to fix it with our defenses any longer. People tend to seek counseling when they are in this stage.) 4. Settle (the swinging between the extremes has moderated with the acceptance that the fears are supposed to be there, a little fear is good and can teach me to grow.) The natural state is moderation.
Our fight or flight reaction to our fears makes it worse. If we hide, like an ostrich with it's head in the sand it doesn't go away. If we fight it's like fighting in quicksand, which only makes you sink more quickly. How do we practice beating fear? Fear is body tension, so practice teaching your body to relax. We need meditation, muscle control, slow our heart rate, and breathing. Our body is within our control. The fastest way to become confident in our battle against fears, is to become a master of our own comfort.
Fear is an unhealthy energy. It can cause us physical discomfort and defensive thinking. We can get to a point that our body has muscle amnesia, a chronic tension that we grow accostomed to, forgetting what true peace feels like.
Detatchment is key. Fears are caused when we are afraid of losing something we think we need. We get attatched to things of this world, but most of this we don't take with us. It's been said that the core of all fears is believing we need to live. We cling desperately to things that help us survive. What if we moderately detatched from that belief? We willing to die, to let go, trust that things will work out for our good. We waste energy hiding from death. We can pray and meditate, practicing being attached from needing to save our own lives. In the scriptures it is taught that if we try and save our own life we will lose it, but being willing to die we will have true life with peace flowing through us, and seeing each experience as an interesting gift.
It's also been said that if you love someone, let them free. What if we moderately detached from the belief that we need a certain person in our lives. Loving them enough to let them go, makes us more secure and comfortable and often times more desireable to the one we love.
To attack our fears wisely, in this war inside of us, we can begin by building our own confidence by winning one small battle then building up. Visualize a small fear, then relax and meditate through it, imagining the fear having no power over you. Gradually work up to bigger fears and mentally practice relaxing through it, until you can do this with your core fear. Do this before practicing in the real world. Fear is a confidence issue, you need to believe you can beat this. Your mind is incredibly deep, explore it, tame it, it is your diving inheritance.
We are the parent to our own feelings, like our inner child we are in charge of protecting and challenging them. We need comfort, it is like air. We can get comfort from self-mastery or we can depend upon something outside of you such as alcohol, sex or food. We must learn to comfort ourselves well so we don't become addicted to other things that cause other problems. If we are facing a small fear, encourage ourselves to move forward and calm ourselves through it. If we are facing a large fear, comfort and heal before moving forward. The medium fears are where we grow and thrive. Proceed and face the challenge by using consistent, moderate pressure and accept the fear. Sometimes it may require us to toughen up, shout the war cry and jump in! Don't think, just do it, there are times when we can't trust our own thoughts because there is too much fear there.
A few stories to help us in this mighty battle; in the movie The Princess Bride, the hero must battle against the most intelligent man in a battle of wits. The hero puts poison in one of two glasses of wine, and the intelligent man must choose which glass to drink first. When the intelligent man is the one who dies of the poison, the princess wants to know how the hero outsmarted the other man. The hero said, "I couldn't outwit him. I put poison in both glasses. I've spent years taking a little poison to build an immunity to it." This is like our core fears, if we cannot beat them, we must spend a little time facing them and accepting them, so we too can become immune to them.
There is a story in japanese religion of men who train in martial arts to enter a cave and defeat a mighty dragon. At the entrance of the cave is a sign from the masters stating to "Abandon all hope", (this is a fight you cannot win).
Credit goes to all who get in the arena and keep working to accept our core fears. Remember that the fears are our teachers. What do they teach us?? Abandonment teaches us to enjoy our own company. Failure teaches us humility. Rejection or criticism teaches us to validate ourselves. Guilt teaches us compassion and mercy for others. No control teaches us to trust. The unknown, ambiguity, teaches us also to trust. Being vulnerable teaches us to put down our defenses. Unfairness teaches us patience. No resources teaches us to detach from worldly things. Dying teaches us to appreciate our lives.
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