Music = My Therapy

 I have a lot of talented friends.  The kind that inspire me and teach me how to grow and improve in many areas of my life.  Music has always been a comfort and joy to me.  I love and appreciate lots of different music.  I've written songs since I was in high school.  Over the years I've sort of found my niche.  I don't claim to be a good lyricist, songwriter, guitar player or singer, but I can do enough to create, expressing myself in a healing way.  I love the process!

My musical friends Jay Keller and Dan Smith have invited me to participate in thier musical creative sessions where we work on orginal songs and challenge eachother to improve (wink, to the "Tempo Nazi" who shows me how to keep a regular, steady beat!)  The constructive critism and brainstorming of ideas is really helpful!  We'll also share songs we love from other artists, and just jam together. 

Dan has been helping us record our music, which is a huge bonus because a traditional recording studio costs beaucoup bucks and someone like me would waste a lot of time there just figuring out what I need and how to do it.  Dan is the man, he just tries a lot of stuff and we lay down different tracks.  It's a little scary, but also really exciting, to hear my songs this way.  It has really inspired me to keep writing new material.  You can imagine, I have a lot of life experience lately to draw from!

My current project is a song called "Disappear" that is my processing as best I can, loss and grief.  My thoughts are of course about Mark, but I also think heavily of my friend Holly and how painful this time is for her.  There are no words to heal her heart, only seeking ways to survive.  I don't like the word 'survive'  it is like the body is there but the person has been broken into a million pieces.   Turns out I know a few amazing women who have lost the love of thier lives, I honor them for thier ability to sacrifice and somehow live on.  For Holly, Stephanie, Heather, Jenny, Claudia, Sharon, and many others who know this type of grief and loss; this song is for you.  Here are the lyrics, and when it's put together, I'll post the recording. :)

Disappear

I watch the rain

my eyes anticipate tears

raindrops fall in puddle

in circles of acceptance

and proves to me how easily

I can disappear

My thoughts are just words of people

talking too fast

I don't feel a destiny

that once felt heaven blessed

Hold me now

if you could, hold me now

would my fight and fear disappear

to breathing and being?

Isn't clear if I'll disappear to memories or healing.

I watch the ground

my heart stalled

by a burden of tears

Sometimes we live

where tumbleweeds and people

are so unattached and

matter-of-fact

that I disappear.

For now I hold back

let the flock fly out in front

and flow like that

in the draft that pulls me up

til I'm strong enough to soar out on my own again.

Dan, Jay and JD jamming

Dan recording Jay who is laying down a drum track to my song "Into the Blue"

Dan playing my purple guitar while Jay plays my Djembe, they always sound great even when goofing around.