Mark's Lecture on the Dark Side of Relationships

This lecture is fascinating to me.  Once you read the roles that are played out in the psychic warfare between people you come to realize that all of us has played EACH of these rolls at one time or another, whether we are aware of it or not. 

The power of relationships is so important.  We need eachother.  We have so much to learn from eachother.  We share knowledge.  We share energy (good and bad).  People don't achieve if we're afraid of eachother.  We all have a little bit of all of these roles, it's not a matter of passing blame.  

All of us are working together to overcome this collective core fear.  It limits all of us from reaching our true potential.  90% of our pain, fears, and suffering come from other human beings, we are doing this to eachother, man's inhumanity to man!

Five Theories to explain what people are doing to eachother;

Comfort Theory; as people, our main need is comfort.  We compete for it by gaining validation, space, love...the main source of comfort being a sense of pride.  We deeply want to be accepted and approved of by one another.  Our ego (self) defenses are ways that we defend a sense of who we are. 

Unconsious Defense;  We do the opposite of our fear to try and keep the fear away.

Equilibrium Theory;  We we are out of balance, forced naturally cause you to go back into balance.  The laws of physics that create balance also exist socially. 

Energy Channeling;  Humans naturally channel energy.  You can give someone else love or hate energy; positive or negative. Even if they are not near you.   We are responsible for our energy output.  We teach our children to be responsible for our choice of behavior, we teach our children that we are responsible for our choice of words, we should also teach our children and ourselves to be responsible for what our energy is doing!

Satanic Influence Theory;  Evil trying to negatively influence us with dark energy.  The mind is influenced by the energy around us.

The Roles we play in Psychic Warfare.  If not moderated they will limit the potential of the human race.

Scapegoating-   This happens within groups of friends, co-workers, family, and even entire groups of people.  We pick on the weakest person or group and put them down in order to feel bigger and badder.  We collectively channel our negative energy and avoid that person or group.  The scapegoat seeks validation and will act out or withdrawl.  In the movie "Master & Commander" there is a scene when there is no wind and the sailors are getting very anxious.  They begin to bump into, sneer and pick on one man.  Eventually the man holds a cannonball and jumps to his death off of the ship, sacrificing himself as the scapegoat for all the hate and anger on board.  We can break this pattern by accepting that we'll take a turn and not let it get to us...or discontinue that relationship. 

Seduction/Alliance-  We find ways to connect with others and subconciously make an agreement that we won't hurt eachother. We seek ways to seduce, or seek approval from them to get them to like us.  We stay in our comfort zone among those who validate us (think about high school cliques, sports teams, religious groups, where we live, political parties, etc.)  Feeling like we belong to a club, we agree with the groups opinions.  We are drawn to confident people and groups because we feel like noone will scapegoat them.

Labeling/Prejudice-  Judgements weaken people over time.  People begin to act out in the way that we expect them too based on the label. 

 
Project/Introject-  To put OUT energy, or to take IN energy.  Men typically project and women typically introject.   Men solve problems by thinking "Oh, that doesn' affect me, that sucks for you, man up, don't bother me with your problems."  They work out thier own feelings with aggression like games or sports.  Women want to talk it out and heal other's pain.  They take it in themselves.  They heal by talking with other women, reading books, watching movies about the issue, feel it and sort it out.  We must learn to negotiate the energy.  (Women, don't ever date a man who cannot own his weaknesses.  It is highly likely that he will blame you or your children for them.)

Polarize/ Ellipse-  If we do something extreme, the other will do the opposite thing.

We push eachother into playing out opposites.  If we're too needy we will turn the other person away from us.  If the person is insecure they could be taken advantage of.  We tend to do this as parents and we create a desire for our children to become the opposite of us!  In order to fix this we must moderate our thoughts, actions and energy.
Validation/Comfort- We can become addicted to this.  We cannot NEED other people.  We need to learn how to validate and comfort ourselves.  What if people didn't like you....so?  What if you were giving a speech in front of a large crowd and you were the only one wearing your underwear......so?  This is a difficult process but we can overcome our fear of not getting comfort from others.

Drama Triangle-  Like every old western, there are three main roles; HERO, VILLIAN and DAMSEL in destress.    We have each played the Good guy, the Bad guy or the Victim at different times.  Other people can project these roles onto us, we are not as free to be ourselves as we think.  What labels do we put on ourselves, and how do they affect the way we live?

Energy Vampires-We all love energy so we try to steal it from one another.  An energy vampire will take over every conversation, and seek validation at every opportunity.  They will suck the energy out of a room.  Is there a way to find a balance in this situation and negotiate the relationship, or is it time to end the relationship?