I thought I could do this blogging thing. I thought I could just focus on the positive and spin the negative into a positive because that is what I really hope to do. I think I've painted a picture that has come back to hurt people close to me.
It may look like I've got this handled. I do not. It may look like I'm happy. Most of the time, I am not. It may look like I have time to be the woman, the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister, the friend, the church member, the neighbor, the Life Coach, the person that I used to be. I can not anymore. Not even close. I'm terrible at being there for anyone right now, including myself.
Many of you need to know that I'm sorry I'm not in your life as much as I would like to be. I am not remembering you as much as I should. I'm sorry I forget things, am late to things, say no to things, I am a flake.
I do have some help, but I am drowning in the life that I'm living right now. The way I see things, it will only get worse before it gets better. I had not considered that by asking people to be close to me, that I was asking them to get hurt in the storm around me. I won't ask it of you anymore. Don't be here if you don't want to get hurt. I love you.
I am here with you. I will hurt along with you. I will help any way i can! Love you friend!
ReplyDeleteNot a chance that I will leave you...I need you as much as you need me. We can do hard things LaDena, one day at a time. Love to you, Mark, and the kids
ReplyDeleteYou are overwhelmed and it's ok. You get a pass right now LaDena. I think anyone would understand why you can't be everything to everyone right now. Breath and focus on Mark and the kids. Call if you need to talk or cry or have an italian soda and laugh and cry. That's what we do best - laughter through tears like the steel magnolias. Love you.
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, it is not about anyone else right now. Be selfish and take care of you and yours. Everyone else can wait.
ReplyDeleteLadena don't apologize! You are the most amazing person I know. I have taken many, many lessons from you and Mark. You will never know how much you have affected me in some of my darkest moments. When I wallow in my pain I look to you and Mark as an example of parents that put have their priorities strait and I try to emulate you. Never, never apologize for your reactions.
ReplyDeleteWe will continue to invite you to things. If you say no, thats ok. If you guys need to get out, we will go. Let us help when you need it and let us all know when you just can't. We love your whole family so much.
Holly is right. This is all about your family right now. Be selfish. This is the time that selfishness is not only ok but necessary.
Love Nikki
Oh, LaDena--I ache for you and your family. There is truly no way I can know how you feel. But I hurt and cry for you anyway. I wish that could take away some of your hurting and crying. I am so sorry for all you and your family are going through. I love you. You don't have to keep your head up if the burden is too great. But know that you are loved by people on both sides of the veil. You can do this. I know you hate it and don't want to do it, but you can.
ReplyDeleteLaDena, our family will hurt along with you. you are in my prayers and especially mark. We know that trials in life make us more like the Savior and qualify us to be with Him in the next life.
ReplyDeleteLove you all
The Westovers