The Pain Scale

     This is the pain management scale used to determine where you're at and what you might need.  According to this scale, I'm always at a 5, and lately I'm a full-blown 10 and I'm not the patient!! 

     Speaking of my own experience these past, almost 3 years, I've mostly done alright.  The difficult moments have been spread out, and I can find recovery time to get myself back to where I need to be.  That changed for me since the morning I learned our friend Trent passed away, two weeks ago.  It is like the dam broke, the one that was guarding me so well, and I'm hurting.  Things are very real for me. 

     I appreciate all the emotional support I've been given lately. I am trying to find balance again, healing, and peace, so that I can be as functional as possible and serve Mark and our children the best that I can.  Sitting here with Mark at the Huntsman helps and hinders this process. 

     OK, so what you really want to know is how Mark is doing.  In all seriousness, facial expressions aside, the pain scale for Mark has been a pain level 5 when he is active.  In just the past few weeks, I've heard him admit to the nurses that he is at a level 8 when he walks and he needs his pain meds, which he prefers to stay away from.  The nurses call him an 'under-reporter' so when he says he's an 8, they take that very seriously.  He doesn't complain.  He jokes around with all of the staff.  The snack-cart guy liked him so much that he gave him a ton of extra treats and a bunch of DVDs to borrow for our stay here.  Sweet.

     Day 1: Round 15 of chemo, round 1 of Ifosfomide.   There is a reason we haven't tried Ifosfomide before now.  We hear it is aweful.  It requires a very slow drip into the body with a lot of follow up labs and EKG tests.  This is why Mark had to check into the Huntsman for a 5 day stay.  We sat out on the patio in the afternoon before the PICC team arrived to insert a device to allow the infusion to enter his body in the central line.  This moment was precious to me because we shared another one of our deepest talks.  Mark's love and concern for me and our children is his highest priority in this process.  We have to consider each step carefully.  We are not just shuffling through.  We are always processing.

     Mark wasn't feeling well all day.  He was nauseated, tired, and in pain.  He had an episode of heart palpitations that the nurse was able to hear, but it stopped before the EKG machine was hooked up to him.  It lasted 25 minutes.  They are calling it a micralvalve prolapse, and are documenting it and asking Mark to let them know if it happens again.  I'm not sure how much I should worry about it, so I'll do some research and decide what to think. 
     I have to thank Holly and our nurse Katie for thier suggestions that I bring a foam pad and my own bedding for my couch-bed.  I slept so well.  Mark is feeling a little better this morning, and is working at his computer.   Four days to go...